MANCHESTER,
NEW HAMPSHIRE - A local Manchester man, Matt Livingston, has filed a
lawsuit against his wife and uhh, “close relative” for having an
affair. Matt claims that his wife cheated on him with a man named Ray
Livingston. His alter persona. "I don't know exactly what's
going on." Said his wife, May, to our
reporter. Police said that they were originally going to throw it
out, but they found it so laughable that they just HAD to pass it on
to the court. "We are keeping a very open mind of the situation
as not to disrupt the precious fabrics of his disarrayed mind."
said Manchester Judge Thomas. We had a chance to speak to Matt
before the court trial began. He told us that Ray was "A no good cretin who is always in his house and stealing all his beer.”
This isn’t the only legal tension that Matt has had between him and
himself – urr, Ray. In September 2011, Matt filed for a lawsuit
suing Ray for crashing his car in a drunken fury. Matt won and was
awarded 1.5 Million dollars. Matt immediately filed for a second
lawsuit suing Ray for stealing his money to pay for the lawsuit. It
was immediately thrown out. “The Manchester Police Department take
every situation seriously.” Said John Mason, Chief of Police for
Manchester. “I mean why wouldn't we? The government gives us a ton
of money for 'investigation.' Plus it's good to have a few minutes in
the spotlight. I mean really. Who has heard of Manchester? Matt is
our golden gate to the media. Boston has its History. New York has
its Terrorist attacks. Chicago had John Wayne Gacy. We have Matt
Livingston!” After the Trial, we spoke to Matt about the Trial. We
asked him if he ever thought about a mental institute, but he replied
with, and I quote, “No Prison can hold me!” We then spoke to his
wife about the trial. “Matt urr, Ray or whatever just argued to
each other at the stand. Nothing really got done.” May said
confused. The court has let us know that an extension day has been
scheduled for May 3rd to continue the trial. “I just
hope we can figure something out before Ray or whoever runs in with a
bomb or some something.” Said a sad, fat, and lonely Judge Thomas
clinging to a bottle of Scotch.
Reported by: JESSE JACOBOVICH on April 30th at 8:50 PM Central Time
